First let me start this by letting everyone know things have been crazy before the birth of my third child Zephaniah and this just added to the strange and weird experiences that seem to happen to me.  My wife and I have just moved to southern Illinois, Marion to be exact from northeast Missouri as I took a position of youth and children.  In addition to this I am presently enrolled in Seminary and during the move to Marion my wife was 8 months pregnant.  I seem to be one for adventure at times.  Anyway this blog post is not all about my move, me attending seminary, or starting a new ministry though they all could be valid blogs.  I originally started this blog to blog about life and though not many come here to read about my life (the actually come to find a resume example) some do like to come and read.

So I wanted to blog partially so I would have a record of this event while it is fresh on my mind and well to just share the story because it is crazy.  In fact all three of my children have now entered the world in their own dramatic fashion.  In every one of them we have seen God at work.  Here is the scoop

My wife was having contractions lastnight at church but they were far enough apart that really we were not all that concerned with them.  In fact  we went home thinking no biggy, she went to bed and I was working on a sermon for seminary.   Around 10:30 she got up and was in the bathroom and I heard her moaning but me being the loving husband I am was preoccupied with my sermon writing, so I let it go because this sermon was already a day late.  I finally decided I needed to check on her so I got up and asked her if she had been timing her contractions, and  she responded with no, but she did not know if she would get through night.  This was just after 11:oo pm. to which I posted on Facebook at 11:16 p.m.

“Well Tzigane is having contractions as far as we know the baby is still breech her Dr. appointment is tuesday and her appointment for Insurance is late afternoon tomorrow not sure if she is going to make until tomorrow I hope so but I am doubtful.”

So I went back to my sermon and a while later she is still in the bathroom I think this is strange but she knows what she is doing. Finally I go in and start talking to her and I realize ok we have to go, we have waited to long.   Both of her labor times for our previous two children have been short.  With our first child  she was in labor 2 hours 30 minutes and the second 2 hours.  It was late at night so I call the pastor to get someone over to stay with our kids, he sent his wife right over, and we have it planned that  as soon as she gets there we will leave. I know we are roughly 7 minutes if that from the hospital.

I take off doing 70 down the main road with my hazards on, worried I am going to get pulled over or a citation, thinking this is a great way to make a debut in Illinois.   In my excitement between trying to get my wife to breath and driving fast I look up and say “look there is no wait in the ER” as there is a billboard that tells you this.  In reading the sign I drive right by the hospital wasting precious time I now have to turn around.  I speed to the next light thinking I have a red arrow but oh well I run right through it to turn around.  Finally we are there and I am relieved so I thought.

I run into the ER and let them know she is in labor and the response is “come in and go through the door” I tell them “no the baby is coming get someone down here now”.  I then rush back outside to be with my wife it seems like forever and finally I see a nurse come walking out casually I yell at her to hurry up.   When she gets there and takes one look and totally freaks out and tells me to run and tell them “we need a Dr. Now”. Seriously whose to blame her it’s not everyday someone shows up in the parking lot with a breech baby. I run back inside and tell them “we need a Dr. Now”. I then run back out and the baby is now half out breech in our van. I am literally looking at half of my child rear first while the other half is not delivered yet.  The nurse seems almost in shock I can see it inher face, I hear her yelling for the Dr. I see no one, all I see is baby and I am thinking “should I pull this baby out”  I have no clue what to do.  The nurse tells me to run inside because the Dr. did not see us.  I run inside the hospital and yell at the Dr. to come out.  Once again apparently no one trusted I knew what I was talking about the Dr. seemingly rather calmly comes strolling out as I am telling him to hurry.

After what seems like forever the Dr. gets to the van looks down and now he realizes the concern for the situation. For whatever reason I seem to be the only one calm at this point. The Dr. Begins to fly into action I am standing next to the him almost assisting him in this whole ordeal.  The baby had been in this breech state of half in and half out for a minimum of three minutes. He tells my wife to push and out comes Zephaniah in the front seat of our mini van.  It is at this point that calm went away and fear began to grip me.  It was at this point that I realized the time for any human reasoning was over, the time for science was gone, if we had been relying on anything but God we could do so no more, we now had no choice but to rely on Him.

I looked at my precious baby that we had waited so long for and he was lifeless, I remember in my mind crying out to God to let him be ok.  It literally seemed like and eternity My baby is blue he is not breathing the Dr. is wiping his little face, rubbing his chest doing all he can to stimulate him but nothing.  I see fear in the Dr.’s face, he is yelling for the nurses to help him but nothing, no breath, nothing.  Finally a breath, but that was it, one single solitary breath.  He is still blue he is still not breathing the Dr. is talking to him “breath buddy”  I am telling Tzigane not to look, my thoughts are “oh please God let him be ok”  it seems like another eternity a he takes a second breath. Once again he stops he is still blue he is still not breathing and finally I hear what every parent wants to hear that first cry.

We cut the cord suction him out wrap him up and the Dr. and I run to the labor and delivery.  I push the buttons on the elevator he cuddles my child in the blanket. I stay by Zephaniah’s little side the entire time.  We bath him, give him his shots, I even assist in drawing his blood. The nurse was great as she told me everything we were doing. Praise be to God that he brought us our third miracle He gets the glory, He gets the praise.

I recently listened to a song that asked this question.  Now I know the scripture is clear when Paul proclaimed “For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”  I also think of verse like Luke 9:24 “For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it.”  I think of such verses and many times as christians we may say “sure I would die for Christ I would be willing to give my life for Christ.”  However when I think deeply about this I cant help but wonder why are so many willing to say they would die for Christ yet we are not willing to live for Him.

The deeper I think about this I ask this question is it easier for us to say we would die for Him then it is to actually live for Him.  God has burned a passion deep within my heart that has only grown more and more over the past several weeks.  I have been convicted of not only my personal evangelism but of what the church does for evangelism.  We are so quick to say we are willing to die for Christ but not willing to walk across our street and tell our neighbor about Him or to knock on the door of a stranger, or to talk to the cashier at the grocery store about Him.  We have become so desensitized to the actual gospel that we have quit sharing it and have used this attitude of “I am willing to die for it” as a cop-out.  It is almost like we live in some sort of fairy tale world where it is ok to say we will die for something without actually living it out.  I look at the life of Paul and see how eat, slept, and breathed the gospel of Jesus Christ.  How he was beaten, jailed, drug out of a city and left for dead because of the gospel.  Yet Paul continued on He id not stop, he did not quit, if anyone had a reason to stop it was Paul.  If anyone could come up with an excuse it was Paul.  When will we get over our mamby pamby christianity and begin to be moved with deep compassion for the Lost when will we be like Paul and share no matter the cost.

These are just my random thoughts.

Well here I am 36 years old and just now getting ready to start seminary.  Honestly I never thought I would go to seminary.  I have been in youth ministry for over 17 years now and have felt that perhaps I did not need it.  In addition I really am not that smart of a guy anyway.  However after 3 years of searching for a position and still not finding a full time one I have decided to at least further my education.  The circumstances are a bit strange.

Initially I had been talking with and interviewing at a Church in the Kansas city area and after a unanimous recommendation for their search committee and deacons we all felt that the vote would go through without a problem.  Just goes to show you never assume anything in a baptist church.  I enrolled in seminary thinking I would be pastoring this church and Kansas City and well why not make good use of this time living so close to Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary.  Apparently the Lord had other plans.  One thing lead to another and hear I am enrolled to now take classes online to get a Mater Of Arts in Theological Studies.

Classes will begin August 22nd I have already highlighted my Syllabus for both classes entered all due dates in my calendar and have started to read the book of one class.  Wish I was this ready in college.  I pray I do well in these classes and can graduate with some sort of dignity.  I have already added Master of Arts in Theological Studies on my resume with the expected completion date in 2013.  Anyway there is a part of me that is hoping this will help in finding a position full time however I am not so sure about that and that my friends will have to wait for another post.

When as a Pastor you are in the search process for a church it gets very difficult at times.  There are times that you struggle with inadequacy and times you often wonder if you are missing something or really wonder why the search process is taking so long.  It is during these times that Satan likes to creep into your minds and fill it full of his lies.  If we are not careful we could easily fall into a state of depression because we choose to believe the lies that satan tell us.

There are times that I have I struggled with this very issue.  Time I have wondered what is wrong with me and even times I have thought about giving up.  That is why this song Embracing Accusation by Shane and Shane has become so dear to me, I know satan is not in control I know he wants to render me useless and the only way he can do that is if I believe the lies he is telling.

Father of lies, coming to steal kill and destroy
All my hopes of being good enough
I hear him saying, “cursed are the ones who can’t abide”

He’s right, hallelujah, he’s right
The devil is preaching the song of the redeemed
That I am cursed and gone astray
I cannot gain salvation
Embracing accusation

Could the father of lies be telling the truth of
God to me tonight?
That if the penalty of sin is death, then death is mine
I hear him saying, “cursed are the ones who can’t abide”

The devil’s singing over me an age old song
That I am cursed and gone astray
Singing the first verse so conveniently over me
He’s forgotten the refrain.
JESUS SAVES!!!

Lately I have been given some serious thought as to how churches go about the search for a pastor.  Probably because I have been in the search process now for over 3 years.  Some churches will announce there opening on the internet, others because they do not want to deal with the hassle will only talk to some seminaries and ask if they have any names, others still will only entertain those that are specifically recommended to them.  Honestly I don’t know that one way is better than the other.  However my dilemma has stemmed from the qualifications we have come up with when it comes to hiring a pastor.

In my search for a church I have come across a plethora of different qualifications as it relates to a pastor some Biblical others not so Biblical.  It has really forced me to think deeper about this issue then I have in the past.  Honestly at times I wonder if the pastoral search has become more of a popularity contest or more like “American Idol” than seeking God’s Man.  In my journey I have come across some very strange things.

If I were to be very honest I would say this is one of the reason why I have worked so hard to lose weight and get into shape.  Sure I have done it because I want to be healthy for my family and I do believe it is pleasing to God.  However, when I think deep I would say in the back of my mind there is that part of me that would say,  ”looking better would help secure a position”.  Somehow when a church sees an overweight out of shape candidate it is not as appealing as seeing a muscular in-shape candidate.  These thoughts have frustrated me and I have wondered at times am I just making this up or is this true?  What are the Biblical qualifications for a pastor?   Has the the church replaced Biblical qualifications with man made standards?    Naturally whole books have been written on how to be a pastor and how a church should select a pastor and to be honest I don’t care to get into all of that detail here.  However I am forced to look and see what God’s word has to say.

The qualifications for a pastor can be found 1 Timothy  3:1-7 and Titus 1:6-9

According to these pasages of scripture a pastor should be

1.  Above Reproach – An accusation of sin won’t stick to him.

2.  Husband of One Wife – He must be faithful to his wife.

3.  Self-Control – He is the master of himself. He is not out of control or controlled by outside influences.

4.  Lives Wisely – He makes good choices.

5.  Has a Good Reputation – People at church and in the community think highly of him. He is respected.

6.  Hospitable – His home is open to others.

7.  He Can Teach – Is able to give insight into the scripture and communicate that to others.

8.  Not Addicted to Wine – He does not get drunk or over indulge in Alcohol.

9.  Not Violent – He resolves conflict peacefully.

10.  Gentle – His manner and words are not abrasive he is not looking to quarrel.

11.  Loves Peace – Works towards peace in all circumstances.

12.  Does Not Love Money – Is not consumed with possessions or how much money they have.

14.  Manages His Home Well – His family and home are in order, not in chaos. His children are polite and respectful. His finances are in order.

15.  Not a New Christian – Displays and shows that they are a faithful follower of Christ.  There is a “track record’

16.  His children must be believers who are not wild or rebellious

17.  Not Arrogant – Is humble and put’s others first.

18.  Not Quick-Tempered – Not a man who angers quick or easily.

19.  A Strong and Steadfast Belief – Believes the gospel and does not waver from it.

Now of course I understand that this is a list of qualifications and does not include the duties of the pastor the chief of which is to Shepherd the flock.

Really here is the problem though.  Why have we stepped outside the bounds of scripture when it comes to our search for a pastor?Why have we added qualifications dealing with age, how someone dresses, education, tradition.  Why have we replaced the Bible with man made doctrine and theology.  We have become anthropocentric as opposed to theocentric in our quest to make sure that we get the “right guy”.  We so desperately want to make sure we have the cool guy or the guy that everyone will like many times we have left God out of the equation.  sure we may talk a good talk, read some scripture, and even pray that God will supply the right man but unless we rid ourselves of our prejudices and what we like and what we want will God answer?

I have frustrated myself because at times I know I thinking more about the man a church wants me to be then being the man God wants me to be.  To be honest after three years of searching and living with my mom at 36 years old with my wife and two kids and another on the way I sometimes ask myself “what in the world am I doing.”  Why have I lowered myself to man made standards and traditions, why isn’t following God with all I have enough?  I don’t want to be the next “American Idol” Pastor.  I want to be me, I want to be the next Pastor that loves the Lord, that is not afraid of the tough conversations, that understand God is in control and He want me to be the man He wants me to be and not the man someone else wants.

Just the random thoughts of a guy still searching.