I am really tired.  It has all hit me at once. I guess between dealing with my resignation, traveling back and forth to the hospital multiple times, gearing up to move, deciding whether to wait or jump back into ministry, it is just wearing me down.  

Friday my wife will be induced and will give birth to our son Micah John Monda.  Her pregnancy will be at 34 weeks so he will have to spend some time in the NICU.  In addition to that my mother will be here on that same day with one of my friends, and my niece and nephew.  So while my wife is in labor I have to somehow get my mom to the hospital, and I have to pick up the moving truck that day.  In addition to that Saturday it will be time to pack so we have to get the truck loaded and off to Missouri.  Then I have to decide whether to drive to Missouri and fly back to get my wife or do I stay here.  These are decision are weighing heavy on me and so is everything else.  Sorry for the rant.  Pray for strength right now I feel I have little but when we are weak He is strong.

These days have been crazy I blogged about it here. So I have not really known which was up or down between going to the hospital, taking my daughter to school,coming home from school, the stress of a baby coming early, my mom coming in a week, and moving man it is crazy.  But…

Today I was doing some reading and read this verse ”She will bear a Son; and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins” (Matthew 1:21).  For some reason I could not take my mind of this verse it was just stuck in my head.  Now I know we read this verse at Christmas and most of the time we probably just blow right by it but I want to spend some time on this verse.  

Now Joseph was actually going through a pretty traumatic experience.  I know we do not say alot about him usually but think about this he finds out a girl he is going to marry is pregnant and he has done nothing to get her that way.  Then and angel comes to him and tells him that the this child is “of the Holy Ghost” talk about traumatic.  What is great is Joseph did not just freak out and run away, he did not clam up.  Joseph actually did something that we all should consider doing when a traumatic experience hits he got along and called out to God.  Now scripture does not come out and say this but it certainly is implied.  Joseph was a righteous man he probably wept to God and poured his heart out to God.  God sometimes just waits for us to pour our hearts out to Him when we experience difficulties.  Let me share with you a few verses that comfort me when I just need to pour out to God as in these last few weeks.

For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need (Hebrews 4:15-16).

 

“It will also come to pass that before they call, I will answer; and while they are still speaking, I will hear (Isaiah 65:24).

Finally I love the end of this verse when it says for “He will save His people from their sins.”  Not He might save, but He will save.  Who does he save “His people”.  Those of you who tend to lean towards the Calvin side of things can figure this out.  The Mission of Jesus Christ His purpose for living is to save “His People” I take comfort in knowing I was, and am the mission of Jesus Christ.

I remember as a college student at Hannibal LaGrange College a professor saying that ministry in lonely.  If I recall correct he said that to be in ministry is to be in some of the loneliest time you will ever know.  When asked why he stated because you feel like you cant have any real friends.  I thought this cant be true but it is.  Why is ministry so lonely?  Does it have to be that way?  Why do pastors and youth pastors feel like they have to shelter themselves from everyone?  Why do we not let people see the real us?

I have been a Youth Pastor for over 14 years and they have been some of the loneliest years of my life.  I have often wondered why?  It seems odd that we have certain criteria that we want followed and we often do not want people to step outside of our box.  Somehow and idea has invaded the church that a pastor can not sin or can do no wrong so Pastors shelter themselves trying to live the perfect life.  I rarely have had anyone that I could just poor my heart out to and tell them what I was feeling and why I was feeling it.   Even at times when I did share struggles or problems I was judged instead of loved.  

I can’t tell you how many times I would sit at home with my wife and wish we had someone just to hang out with.  Hoping maybe some people would just call us up or that we could just go out to eat with someone or watch a movie with someone.  This happened a few times with some people some more then others.  It is odd that a Pastor can stand in the pulpit and have people hanging on every word but outside of the pulpit no one seems to care.  I have some great friends that accept me for who I am unfortunately they are thousands of miles away some not that far but they all have their own ministries.  The funny thing is loneliest is one of the number one reasons pastors leave.  I do not like the loneliness especially right now with all that is going on.  But I think of those words from my professor “to enter into ministry is to enter into some of the loneliest time ever.”

And as I think of the possibility of getting back into ministry I am forced to ask myself this question.  ”Do I want to be lonely?”

Ok so if you have watched any of the NBA playoffs you know what I am talking about.  If you have not there is a video below.  Anyway I know this is late but I have not had alot of time to blog.  But listen to the announcers comment I was in hospital withy my wife when I hear this and I just started rolling I was like ok what a weird statement to make in a basketball game.  Regardless of the announcers it was an awesome dunk over one of the best defenders in the NBA.  Check it out

Wow these last few days have been extremely crazy for me.  It all started yesterday.  My wife said she was having alot more contractions and our baby is at 32 weeks in addition she said she had not felt the baby move for awhile.  So I told her it was better to be safe then sorry and to call the dr.   She took my advice and the dr. sent us to hospital to get it checked out.  This was our 5th trip to the hospital during this pregnancy.  While there the nurse ran some tests and said that her water had broke and she was admitted.  We both thought that id were water had broke then our child would be born that night.  We were obviously wrong.  

So I spent the night in an uncomfortable chair and got about 3 hours of sleep before coming home showering and heading back to the hospital.  When I got back to the hospital we received good news.  The nurse said that another test was negative and that her water may not have broke so if she got three negatives she would be allowed to come home tonight.  However, you guessed it the next two showed signs that her water may have broke.  Confused?  Me too.  So they decided to keep her.  Not sure how long maybe until the baby is born we do not know.  

So in the middle of this I received a phone call from a Pastor who had been in contact with me about the possibility of becoming their Youth Pastor.  The kicker is everything with this church at the moment is matching up perfectly.  Well other then it will be 1,000 miles from our family still.  But everything else is perfect it is almost too good.  New building, in a place I have always wanted to live, more of a rural setting, Is this from the Lord?  God please make it known to me.  

In addition to all this my mom will be here next Friday and I have so much to get done for the move.  The plan is to send everything back to Missouri but my wife may still be in the Hospital?  This is crazy.  If you got some advice give it.

Sorry for the rambling just needed to say something.